Salt speckled his face as he watched the
Emerging sun across the ocean. Every
Approaching vehicle startled him, but
He knew better than to hope for her
Orange Vespa to ease the knot in his belly.
Resignedly, he watched the
Soft snoring bundle in his arms,
Embracing the solitude, and her legacy.
The title, the opening image, and this week’s genre prompt had me thinking the woman was a mermaid. I really liked the thoughtful break between “her” and “Orange Vespa.” I would have liked “Resignedly” to have been an action instead of an adverb. Although, it might not be necessary because “he knew better” hints that he’s resigned.
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Oooh I’m glad I could bring the sense of magical realism in my piece! ‘R’ was where my writing skills were tested to their limits. Thank you Nate, for the inputs 🙂
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There is something about the Orange Vespa line that anchors this piece for me (in a good way). There’s so much light and softness and that dose of reality let me find reference points for the piece.
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Thank you, Michelle! I’m all about crushing hopes and dreams, haha
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I’m doing a terrible job of explaining myself today! I liked that part because it kept the piece relatable. It almost felt like a version of magical realism because of that.
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Oh no, I got what you were saying, I’m simply agreeing with you that I like bringing my characters back down to earth (and in turn the reader) regularly. This was also in response to the acrostic poem guidelines in fact 🙂
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Okay good!
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I read and reread. I liked the story of your piece. Am I right in thinking that he is seahorse both for the magical realism and because male seahorses hatch the eggs?
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Yes! If I’m not wrong, female seahorses are also notorious for abandoning their mates and offspring.
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I loved the contrast between the quite ethereal beginning and then the stark about turn at the orange Vespa. That was a good way to ground the piece in reality.
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Thank you Asha! I struggled this week so I’m glad to receive positive feedback 🙂
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